| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|05:43 am] |
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Sorry about the spelling mistakes in my last post, but i am drunk. I'll make it better later. |
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| No one will be pissed. Hopefully! |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|04:59 am] |
Its tuesday, 5 am and I'm drunk and stoned. The last hour i've spent cleaing up spew i dont remember coming from my stomache. It felt like it wasnt me but was someone else spewing multiple times but when i awoke i knew that the pile of spaghettiti; grey; was mine and mine alone. No one had joined in and so i was forced to clean up after myself.
I grabbed the broom and a random plate with pictures of a 5 year olds idols on it and swept up grey strings until my hands were smelly. My feet where already wet and stick but i hd to put on my bile shoes. They were the only shoes i had without dog shit on them but now they have lactic acid all over them and are waiting outside in the damp for a bath. I hope it fucking floods.
I wrote a sorry note. Im sorry for wommitong on your floor. On your excercse bike. Drinking your wine. Drinking your beer. Spewing your grog out of my ear. Wiping it up with toilet paper, wiping it up with a towel, tping and then i am done. Sorry that it looks and smells like shit.
I stop drinking and smoking and getting trashed all together on April the 23rd. On april the 23rd i am legal and am allowed to drink. So i dont want to drink past that age ever. Ive already been drunk enough and stoned enough and basically drug fucked enough for one mere man.SO im not drinking again after i turn 18. Ever! ! ! I'm not smoking again after i turn 18. Ever ! ! !
I was in melbourne about 2 weeks ago and boy was it weird. The first week i spent getting drunk at my uncles place and the second week i soent getting drunk at my cousins place. Of course, she had terrible cyts that she dismiised as a stomach bug the entire time but still, it was a giid 2 weeks that i will write about while still drunk (for one of the last times, i will stop drinking on April the 23rd) and still stoned (for one of the last times, i will stop smoking as of April the 23rd).
Week 1, Im in melbourne and i have no idea where to go. Lachie pretends he knows where to go but in all honesty, together we have no idea where to go. Luccily our mis-direction lends itself to our new foundangled ability to ask for directions. Yes. We are 2 males, able to ask for directions. Such a feat has never been achieved before, and we are able to make it home by 8:30 Pm on what should only be a 45 minute trip home.
We finished work at 6:30. It was a long fucking day and unlike Phil and steve, we did not know we were allowed to get drunk of red bulls and champaign that day. In fact it will be not until friday, the final day that we realise that this is permitted. Regardless, they are still trashed and head off to the commenwealth games. Phil and steeve, their the barmen and Me and Lachie, where the waiters. We wouldn't usually wait, except we get paid shitloads to do it and so we do. And our arms feel dead after carrying endless supplies of fried whitebait and other shit.
So we catch one tram home, in the wrong direction. Then another tram home, to melbourne uni. Practically the opposite end of the world to st kilda beach. Fuck we think, How did we get so lost. But its ok, we ca n ask one of the hot chicks which way to go. There are a lot of hot chicks in melbourne. I find that i wont talk to guys.
So 5 days pass, and me and lachie get drunk every night. One night were off to his sisters place, another were... well every other night we stayed at jeffs and admired his pot plants. Actual pot plants. He's a good cook my uncle. Nice currys. And every night we get drunk. Every morning the carlton draught questions are new...every time we read them we get them wrong, no matter how many drunken times we reherse them. One night we actually buy shnapps, and i still dont realise how much money i am spending.
I had $373 in the bank from my coffee job. Thats all gone by wednesday the next week. Grog, food, drunken food, grog, presents and i have nothing to show for it. The next batch of money comes in, 2 X$373, clothes, grog, food, video games and at least i have soveneers. I give $750 to mum when i get home, $250 to pay off estranged debts, $500 for uni. I have managed to spend all but $200, thats including my pay for waiting. $550. Fuck. Within 2 weeks all but $20 is gone. I have spent it on gorg, games and girls. Well... No girls. Fuck.
So anyway my favorite night is the closing ceremony night, and i manage to get into a club with Dave. With no ID. I feel so fucking super i could die. But I dont. All the ladys in the club are older then me. Theres a scantaly clad grandma that i avoid because I'm not drunk enough. And will never be at $9 a pint. You wounder where my money goes. It goes to grog. SO we leave. Its shit we reason, dave already has a girlfriend and i have no chance at this place. Hang on, Is that Elenor and Sally and other people from school. Why yes I believe it is. So they all walk back to Uni. Its a long way. Lang, Ballard and Elenor stay. I buy a cask of cheap white wine. 4.4 L, $13. Not the cheapest ive ever bought. We drink it. And by we i mean me and ballard, the others sip some.
I roll down a hill and dave has to go. Theres security everywhere and they dont seem to care that we are wasted on a hill. Elenor loses her ID, but we dont know this till we see her again in half an hour, after I stupidly buy some smokes. This makes me and ballard spew. Ballard Spews a lot. Before long, the pavement marked by where we've been. It is drenched in our direction.
iT Takes an eaon to get to Langs room, when a millenia is the appropriate amount of time. Rough night, I have to shit every 3 hours, and i deposit my leftover ciggies in the bathroom. By 8am everyone is up and i want to leave. SO i do, unceremoniously.
Lots of other shit happened. Like i got hit on by prostitutes and hot asians who didnt happen to be prostitutes, but i cant be assed wrriting about it now, as its 5:38 AM so until next time.
Good fly/ |
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| I dont update ever |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|01:05 am] |
Hey the picture of me is like pink or something, some other shade of crap. I should put a different picture up, one of like a skeleton with a hardon, cause that'd be totally hot. I could actually send it in to Hot or Not and it'd get like a 10! Thats a 10 and a !, which means its maths and maths is cool. Stay in school cause umm, I'm finished.
We have a drum kit now, and ive started to play, hopefully it'll go better then my foray into guitar, which basically ended in me being pissed off because I couldnt play anything. Except yanky doodle. lots of Yanky doodle. I don't expect to play anything recognisable on drums, but i can just hit everything and do some throaty growls and say is HEEAVY METAL and you wouldnt understand. No offence or anything; Its just that your a pussy. You know its true.
The only thing that reminded me of the Drum kit was the fact that somewhere i heard a refrence to weed. And i dont know why the Fuck that triggered anything. I would have thought it would have made me remeber things about like Smiling and calling Pizza guys to strange addresses only to find that they actually come to your house and you dont have any money or anything and you have to pretend that you didnt call them.
So umm yeah, Hello non existant reader base of noone. And for those of you about to rock, don't be worried about paper. Seriously, what can paper do? Write angry letters. Ohh speaking of angry letters, heres K. Look at him, all opposing and assertive, He's pissed off and hes not taking any crap as payment for being pissed off. No sir.
So whats in store for me over the next few days, weeks and months.
Days, DRINK! DRUMS! Learn French for some reason (J'mapple Alex Bitch). Write Resumes and go to the gym.
Weeks is pretty much the same, I haven't had to do anything since November 8, probably becasue my resumes were Shit house, and for a coles myer job application for a Baker, I really wanted to see how much i could push it, so I just went and said in the reasons I'm suited for this job
"I am a motivated Team Player and all those other Buzz words that people use to make themselves sound good. Actually, think of one and apply it to me and BAM, it applies. Yeah I'm Awesome." Needless to say I didnt get the job, and am still looking for work. Although i do have work during the commenwealth games as a waiter, and I'm staying in my cousins laundry (BONUS!!!). Its like $400 for 4 days/ 20 hours work, and I think i'll put the money towards getting gere so i can pirate games on my DS. Yay. And grog and Uni funds.
:D |
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| Jobless |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
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i ate falafales today, and now my burps tsate like falafels. |
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| NONE |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|08:04 pm] |
havent updated in shitloads of time. Not much has happened. I've finished school though, Woo. 2 exams left on tuesday.
Thinking about getting the Iron Chef Logo tattooed on my arm, I dont think many people would have that on their bodies. I might even be the first. I could get into the guiness book of records for guy with the most Iron Chef Logos tattoed on his body. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|05:53 pm] |
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i think i'm going to start collecting things that expire on my birthday. How cool would that be? On a completly unrelated note I think Jensy said he was going to be staying at my house some night, and then someone asked my mum about it and well anyway, if your reading this, Jensy you got caught out or something. I found a dead rat in my backyard, it was cool, It looked like it had crapped itself as it died. So I hit it into a hole and buried it, only to soon be dug up by my dogs. yay |
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| Finally made it around the lake |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|07:18 pm] |
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Yeah, I finally made it around the lake, and this time i wasnt just trying to beat an old person around the lake to make myself feel awesome. Umm anyway, On Friday therll be no parents at my house. Horay. Im going to try to get skeletor back off my brothers friend, so it should be kickin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2005|04:03 pm] |
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You know who i hate. Carlie Lamont. The fat chick with pubic hair where head hair noramlly resides. I'm sure theres a beautiful person inside of her. But that beautiful person won't be found until the japenese come and harpoon her for science, cut her open and like find a beautiful person along with geppetto and pinnocio inside her. Anyway, Bomb the whales. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|09:11 pm] |
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Found Out I have Viral Athsma. Yay. Just goes to show that i have athsma. I wish i had mathsma. Mathsma is where you cough up mathmatic equations. Einstein had it. His theory of relativity was written in phlem. Seriously, the dude was a crack head, thats why he had weird hair. Because crack makes your hair go weird. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 5th, 2005|08:59 pm] |
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Im sick at the moment. Both in the fully form and in the 'I'm Coughing up cubic chunks of babies' form. And by babies i mean phlem. Their my babies. But I do have a new influx of games that have cam in, namely weird japenese music games that i'll play once and then forget about, but also point blank 1-3 and Psychonauts and man, is psychonauts a great game. FOr anyone reading this, you should go forth and get psychonauts, its awesome. From the moment the kid yells "Please don't kill us lake monster" I was hooked. Umm, Amyway, Jims Toga party tommorow night, Im gonna see if i can give someone what i have. That'd be awesome. |
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| I got arrested |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|05:05 pm] |
Ed's 18th on saturday. Not that I remeber much. I do remember saying "I'm gonna knock off a slab" and i was wearing a wife beater even though it was freezing cold. Apparently i was smoking and some guy ate my ciggie. Yes, He ate it! Then he picked up someones hat and threw it at him, then he picked up my beer can and crushed it and threw it at me! But he ate it! Thats practically like hooking up with me! Blah. Anyway, I ended up drinking too much and getting arrested. No charges or anything, I dont have a record. But i was really worried that i might get one. Anyway Heres a conversation i had about it on MSN
Codpiece says:
Got arrested the other night
tosh says:
hahaha congrats
tosh says:
what were you doing?
Codpiece says:
Drunk and disorderly
tosh says:
AHAHAHA
tosh says:
tell the story mister
Codpiece says:
I smashed a window which i have to pay for, No charges though
Codpiece says:
ok ok, so i was at eds 18th party
Codpiece says:
I'd had 18 drinks
Codpiece says:
no wait, 20
Codpiece says:
20 max 18 min
tosh says:
haha
Codpiece says:
and i had walked with some friends to the eureka stokade building (he lives in mt helen) and we caught a Taxi to the regent for some reason
Codpiece says:
they found my wallet at the gravy spot place
Codpiece says:
they found me around about where soverign hill was, and i had broken the window there
Codpiece says:
apparently
Codpiece says:
i hve a cut hand and everything so i probably did do it
Codpiece says:
but it was about a probably 10-15 km walk
tosh says:
hahahahaha
Codpiece says:
they took me back to the station in the back of a divvy van
Codpiece says:
and locked me up for about 1/2 an hour
Codpiece says:
at which point mum came and got me
tosh says:
hahahhaa
tosh says:
oh dear |
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| Long time no entry. Long time no internet. |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|01:02 am] |
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You Know what the worst thing in the world is? It aint poverty; Its seeing a 50 year old man in bikershorts do yoga about 3cms away from your face, and it happened to me at gym, seriously, the guy may as well have been naked, its not like anything was left to the imagination (except the third nut!). Uhh anyway, Ive basically just passed the time doing school work, teaching myself to read chinese, playing Zone of the Enders 2, Kicking a chair and burning all of my stomach hair off. Yeah thats right, i burnt all (well most) of my stomach hair off. It was semi- painful, because my thumb kept getting burnt. But it was fun and i found out that fingernails kindof melt when you burn them enough. |
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| Big brother Uncut |
[Jun. 27th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
Big brother is shit. Reality television has the potential to be ok, so long as contestents are injected with Aids and told that they have to fight to the death to recieve the antidote, only to be told at the conclusion of the show that there is no antidote before being butt-raped by a sweaty black guy named greg (you got X'd Punk!). In general, reality tv stinks worse then my feet. I have tinea and enjoy stepping in dog crap, so thats a pretty bold statement. The biggest turd in the toilet is big brother. It is schedualed to take up about half of tens tv time, even worse is the fact that it goes for about 3/4's of the time, forcing channel 10 to cut the last half of the infomericals off; so i can never get the phone number for the poulty masher so i can turn an ordinary frozen chicken into mashed potato. Combine this with the Ads for big brother, and the fact that Gretals a skank/mole/hag and were talking about around 90% of Ten's Tv time. Then it gets into the newspaper, about one page a day is devoted to big brother. Tabloids are stupid, and devote even more space. I turned on big brother uncut just before. It used to be good. Why? Because you didnt see Hotdogs'es 'hotdog' every five seconds. You didn't even see it every five minutes. Seriously, I've seen less wangs in Sex the Annabel Chong story (SLUT!). And she has five cocks in her ass at once, and four in her vadge, two in each hand and about 90 in her mouth (SLUT!). But like eminem i've got the antidote (Except this time its the antidote for bigbrother and not fags) His answer was "Women wear your pantyhose; sing the corus there it goes", mine is "Ignore it, it'll go away." To all the stupid priests who pry themselves away from eight year old boys for long enough to write to the newspaper and complain about bigbrother. Don't. That just fuels the fire. Get back to taking confesssions and molestering young boys, its what you do best.
In other news i signed up for the gym today. I get assessed tommorow. I'm gonna fail bigtime. |
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| Ass Wee's |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|04:07 pm] |
I'm Dastardly unfit at the moment. I'm still sore from running about 100 meters for lap of the lake. So i think i'm signing up for a gym mebership soon. I say think because i'm very, very lazy. And i put off doing stuff for a very very long time. Like for instance, the holiday homework i was given to do these holidays, that wont be done until the last sunday. Still when i do do it i'll spend ages on it for some reason. Weird.
I also got very very plastered on friday. I couldn't even use the phone. I didn''t spew on anyone luckily, but i did spew. I was too far gone to care though. Then the next day i had a dreaded case of "My body wants to empty everything I've ate in the last 20 years out of my ass"ivitus. Basically, I took about 50 dumps, none of them solid, most of them painful and time consuming. I say that they wern't solid, but it felt like i was constipated...Anyway, Im sure you all want to hear more about my crap. It was yellow. |
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| Graphics excursion |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|06:34 pm] |
Somebody get this freaking Duck away from me!
I had some Graphics excusrion down to the Top acts thing. That was pretty cool, although i wish i was doing media, the stuff produced by the media classes looked way better then some of the graphics stuff. Espesially this Lame, Half assed flash game advertisment that well...was a hunk of shit. Seriously, I didnt know they had top acts for downers.
Yesh well, anyway, Steve was telling me on the way down that he told his Girlfriend he was getting her a tattoo for her birthday and the tattoo guy was coming 'round at 7 in the morning on her birthday to do the tattoo. The Tattoo was going to be a picture frame. I thought that was funny as.
Another steve related incident happened later, when he said "I smell bacon" and Naomi said "Why Do You Smell bacon? Steve, Why did you just say you smelt Bacon!!!, Thats so Random! Smelling Bacon Hahaha" Then noticing the police cops "Oh I get it! Hahaha, Opps!" All this was said as loud as humanly possible, it was awesome.
Then the Mcdonalds, or should I say Mcpieceofrancidturd. I had 2 McChicken burgers and a medium coke, I dont want frys, do you know why? Because the markup between buying a potato and turining it into frys is a 200X markup. Pah i say Pah. Fuck that bitch, Give me two fucking Mcchicken Burgers. The Whale serving at the counter actually asked me "meeeep-meeep meeep" which in human terms translates to "Don't you usually have fries with that, like a combo or something?". The nerve, If I'd wanted a fucking combo I'd have ordered a fucking combo! No I dont want fries with that. Unless you mean dead baby fish. Then Bring It ON! Unfortunatly the McChicken Burgers were unusually shit, worse then normal, and i could feel my arteries clogging up. I havent eaten Mcdonalds for about 3 months and I needed this experience to remind me of why.
Anyway, we went to some weirdass fucking art gallery after that, it had like, heaters undrneath some assorted planks of wood. And the roof and walls were made out of triangles. Anyway, the walls were made out of glass, and there were two walls, one on the outside and one on the inside of that wall, with a sizeable space between them. Naturally, Me and Cam climbed in, it was pretty cool, and when i'm at uni im going to apply for a government grant to live there as some weird ass art exhibition or something.
Now this is where it starts to get cool. Theres this Exhibition of moving images, and Cam and I went there in our 1 hour lunch break, grabbed some of the tape stuff that usually goes around stuff at museaums, and put it across the entrance. Then the security guard comes up and is all like "What are you guys doing?" As if it isn't very fucking obvious what where doing, cam kindof points this out "Something we probably shouldn't be doing", i thought this was an awesome call, but i came up with a better one that would have made my day had one of us said it "Umm, Its closing time!".
Anyway without realising it, we had to go back there for the 2nd part of the excursion, but the security guard didn't say or do anything so it was ok. There was this really cool image of a train going along its tracks, except the screen was divided into segemts kindof lie this;
A B C D E F G and then after about .01 of a second this would happen
Z A B C D E F and it would kind of move along, so it was moving like twice, it was really goddamned trippy and i wish i were stoned for it. Later we went into this movie thater and there were these cube seats, being a genius i said "Lets make a pyramid" and so we stacked them 2X2 for 2 stories, then put one on top, followed by Aemon, followed by as second on top. While not exactly being a pyramid it was still pretty cool, especcially when this Lady comes in who is an employee of the gallery.
Lady "Put those down, this is a gallery!"
Me thinking to myself *This is art lady* before running away, leaving Aemon trapped under the pyramid.
I didnt actually see the next part but apparently Aemon was like trying to arrange them back to the way they were when the lady just screamed at him.
I went back into the mainish part and there was a couple making out on a padded bench or something. The McDonalds had filled me with gas and i thought right behind their heads was a perfect place to let one rip, so i did, and then ran away giggling. It was great.
Then I had my fucking detention. It wasnt bad. I kindof figured out my kindof style that i want my comic to be presented in. But yeah, Timmy made a good call. And by that i mean Tim Ricahrds.
Mr rounge "Anyone who has a double detention don't go anywhere, anyone else, please leave"
Guy "If i had a double detention I'd go and kill myself"
Tim "No you wouldn't, because you couldn't go anywhere"
And with that im cunt |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|04:53 pm] |
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I have like a constaliation of pimples far more dense then the milky way on my left temple right now. I have about 20 other pimples on my chin. If anyone knows of any use for pimple juice in mass quantities, please tell me as i dont want it to go to waste. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2005|11:19 pm] |
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Ok so filming for the Coffee Film thing will be on sunday, should be cool. Ill try to get it on the net after ist all edited and good and shit. |
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| Filming |
[Jun. 9th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
Filming of 25 spoons (the thing where i eat a lot of coffee) will begin on saturday (and end saturday) instead of being filmed over an entire day itll probably be just a 5 hour block of time, so 5 spoons of cofee an hour. Yike.
I have a friday for not going to that stupid speaker thing, the bastards. That is all. |
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| Gat |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|10:12 pm] |
GAT GAT GAT GAT
GAT GAT GAT GAT
Yeah, basically, THE GAT was today. I missed two questions early on and had to erase and redo the majority of my multi-choice section. I was stressing because i nearly wasnt finished by 12:15, and if youre not done by 12:15, you have to wait another half an hour. But i got done in the end. And went home never to return (until tommorow at least) and i even missed a guest speaker. Pah. When has listening ever been good.
My brother has a cool GAT story. He had to sit his at Barkley St, and they have some weird "NO ONE LEAVES!!!" policy. Anyway, he didn't know this, and was finished in an hour and a half. So he asks this old inspector guy "Can i go now" and the inspector doesn't respond, he just points to a board with a sign saying "Students are not permitted to leave until the end of the examination." Doesn't Say anything, Just points. Not being one to take this in his stride, as this is perfectly good time in which he could be smoking w... err tobbacco. So he waits for a new exam guy to come around, this time he says "Excuse me, I have a job interview soon, can i leave?" and gets away with it.
I got me a new PS2 controller last night, A logitech one with cool grip and a uber sleek gold plated conector thing. Yeah thats right, gold plated. It serves absolutely no purpose but GOLD PLATED! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|05:08 pm] |
Changed a few things on my journal, for instance theres no more link to lik-sang. And the click click click link no longer contains a link to www.goat.cx (for those of you who didn't know, it did contain a link to www.goat.cx)
Been punching my punching bag (well Anguses actually) some more. Now my Knucles are really sore. Horray. Bruises are fun. It seems to be getting softer and I'd like to think thats me adjusting to the pain, but i think in reality the stuffing inside is just coming out. Whats that stuff made out of anyway? I stabbed an old punching bag i got from spoils ages ago, and the stuffing was made of newspaper, foam and some blue stuff, and padded with gladwrap. Basically, it looked like shredded recycling. That one was a lot softer then this one though, and a lot smaller. So i have no idea as to whats inside of this one (well I do, I think its a dead guy thats not quite dead, He says his names Larry and he has a wife, 2 kids and a gay lover called Synthia. But thats just a theory.). Whatecer the case, i have bruised knucles on both hands. |
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lobeworm's journal
lethargic (thats an allergy)